It’s 2026 and I’m still wandering the neon-drenched streets of Neomuna, not because I’m hunting Vex or Cabal lieutenants, but because of a dozen tiny plastic heroes. Yes, I’m talking about the Cloudstrider action figures — those elusive collectibles that have been taunting me from shelves and datapad whispers since Lightfall broke open. You’d think after years of raiding and Crucible, scouring every corner of a city wouldn’t be too hard, right? Well, tell that to the figure crammed beneath a stairwell with a million Cabal on patrol.

I’d only ever grabbed a couple back in the day, but now I’ve come back to finish the set. Nimbus thinks they look cute together, and honestly, the Triumph called “They’re Not Dolls” deserves its moment. So here I am, recounting the wildest toy hunt a Guardian could ever have.

Figure 1: The One Under the Stairs

I start at Strider’s Gate, heading east towards Ahimsa Park like I’m chasing a lost Sparrow. You know the building with the big domed top in the centre? That’s where I need to be. I circle the base until I spot the first-floor entrance, then take the stairs downwards. But before I reach the bottom, I remember the old note’s hint and turn around. There’s a tiny crack between the steps and a glittering rock — nothing a Warlock can’t squeeze through. Sure enough, a lone Cloudstrider figure sits in the darkness, waiting for someone to find it. Who stuffs a toy under a staircase? Neomuni, apparently.

Figure 2: Shooting Cannons in Irkalla

The next one is a proper puzzle. I trek from Strider’s Gate to Zephyr Concourse, then west into Esi Terminal, trying not to get mulched by the Terminal Overload horde. Past the giant eye mural, I drop down balconies, leap through a golden portal, and emerge in the Irkalla Complex. There’s a shattered wall — through it, and left. I climb a pile of crates to a walkway lined with three damaged cannons. From each cannon’s tip I squint into the distance: tiny black-and-orange diamond shapes. Shoot them all. Pop, pop, pop. The second action figure spawns right on the barrel, like the world’s most violent gumball machine prize.

Figure 3: The Bar Brawl

Back in Zephyr Concourse, I follow the wreckage path left to a bar. On the back counter sits a datapad. I activate it, and suddenly the room fills with angry Cabal — and I can’t leave the bar area or it resets. Seriously? I’m a Titan trying to punch things, and I can’t step out? Cue the machine gun roar. The last foe, a “Rampaging Patron,” drops and a shiny action figure materialises on the counter top. Never has a cocktail meant so much.

Figure 4: Lighting the Braziers

Maya’s Retreat is a maze. From Liming Harbor, I cross the sparkling canyon and veer left into the caves, Strand grapple in hand. Three braziers need flame. The first is inside a rocky pocket, the second across a leap of faith, and the third sits in a large cave after clearing some Vex. When the final brazier ignites, the fourth figure appears beside it like a ceremonial offering. I almost salute.

Figure 5: Darkness Blooms in Esi Terminal

Down in Esi Terminal, I duck into a small bar entrance (red arrow, take notes). In the back room I find another activation prompt. This time it’s “Darkness Blooms” scattered everywhere, and an invincible Cabal chef chasing me. I have to gather each bloom and deposit it in the sink at the back. With every drop, another chef spawns, until I’m playing a frantic game of interdimensional takeaway service. Eventually the last bloom is deposited and the fifth figure appears by the sink. I half expect it to ask for a tip.

Figure 6: The Concierge’s Stand

Fast-travelling to Liming Harbor again, I head under the glowing orange/pink sign and take the first right. In a room with a concierge desk and a glowing sphere, I interact, and Vex phase into existence. The rule: don’t leave the desk. I plant my feet, shotgun ready. Wave after wave I hold the line until the sixth figure appears on the desk like a forgotten check-in gift.

Figure 7: The Radiosonde Riddle

Deep into Radiosonde, past glass doors and Vex, I find a room with a large generator and a red control panel. Activating it reveals eight circles on the wall opposite. I have to shoot them in a specific order: 6, 8, 4, 5, 2, 7, 3, 1. My fingers twitch across my controller like a piano. When all eight glow with a white diamond, the console rewards me with the seventh figure. Neomuna loves its Simon Says.

Figure 8: Typhon Imperator’s Time Trial

Back on Calus’s ship, I venture to the big chamber where Caiatl once saved my sorry behind. On the right landing, I interact with a wall decorated with urns. Suddenly I have to collect 11 Vex data nodes before a timer expires. The first is right behind me, the next two straight ahead, then a sharp left leap, a right climb, a walkway sprint, and a leap into empty air for number 9. I scramble, grabbing 10 and 11 before the clock runs dry. The action figure materialises like a victory lap from the campaign itself.

Figure 9: Strider’s Gate Shooting Gallery

The final figure is a test of aim and patience. I enter the yellow building near Nimbus’s perch, climb the stairs, and interact with the green arcade machine. It teleports me outside to a ledge, where explosive canisters sit in the distance and white diamond reset nodes flicker briefly. If I miss a node, the timer runs out. If I leave the ledge, the event cancels. My Scout Rifle becomes an extension of my eye. After what feels like an hour of ricochet curses, I pop enough canisters, get teleported back, and claim the ninth figure from the cabinet.

The Final Display

Carrying a satchel of plastic legends, I return to that yellow building beneath Strider’s Gate — the one with the holographic palm trees. Inside, little display stands wait for each figure, and notes on the wall hint at their hiding spots. I place them one by one: a miniature Cloudstrider timeline. The Triumph pops; the room feels complete. Are they dolls? Maybe. Do I care? Not one bit. Now if only they’d make a Nimbus figurine with removable hoverboard…